:)

:)

Things I want for my birthday (3107):
- All SHINee’s albums (1st Mini-Album, Romeo, Amigo repackaged)
- All official SHINee posters (Ottogi, 1st Mini-Album, Romeo, The SHINee World Version A and B, Amigo repackaged etc.)
- SHINee Asmama accessories
- Official SHINee SME fangoods (files, stickers, etc)
- 1 set of SHINee Nanas’ B Normal Cleansing package $30
- 2PM ‘Don’t stop can’t stop’ album and poster $18
- 2PM Junsu mug $25
- 2PM polaroids $23.90/$25
- Super Junior ‘Bonamana’ album, photocard and poster Version A and Version B $24 each
- f(x) Nu Abo album and photocard $20

Bolded ones = Me wants damn muchos <:
Others can wait, I guess? But still wants them all by the end of the year. Squeee~

If anyone wants to get them for me do inform me soon so I can give you the links to the most reliable blogshops I can find so you can get them for me asap because OMG, THEY MIGHT GO OUT OF STOCK OR SOMETHING.

LOL :D And of course, I want to see U-Kiss performing LIVE and go to Korea.
): School tmr. Sucks.

The name I loved

This is what I typed in my phone last night when I listened to Onew’s solo, ‘The name I loved’ for the first time in many months. Suddenly I rediscovered my reason for loving SHINee so dearly.

It evoked a million feelings and thoughts within me. Suddenly it got too hard to breathe, and I don’t quite know how to feel.

Perhaps it was sadness. I heard the pain behind your voice and imagined the sad look on your face. Once again I felt the sorrow and all I wanted to do was to go to your side to hug you, even though I know it is not possible. I can only imagine.

Make me think you’re real. So far you still feel like a dream, so distant and faraway. I can only see you in my dreams – and I see only you. Sometimes thinking of you makes me smile. Mostly it makes my heart ache and cry for you, and I don’t even know why.

Embrace me. Tell me it’s alright. Give me the will to move on because I can no longer find it anymore. It’s always been you who kept me going. Now do it again. Make me want to survive.

I’m suffering from Onew ache.
-
It’s so amazing what songs can do to me.

Dreams

GOTTEN:
- 3 SPAO Star collection (collaboration with SNSD) shirts
- SPAOh! poster
- ‘Oh!’ repackaged album
- ‘Oh!’ repackaged ‘Run Devil Run’ poster
- B2ST ‘Shock of the New era’ album
- SHINee Key golden safety pins earstuds

Will post pictures of them soon ;D Planning to do so when I’ve gotten more stuff. :/

WANTS:
- Family to win lottery of more than a certain amount *winks* so we can go Korea and I can spam all my kpop wants there
- Polaroid camera (pink) with Doraemon film
- Camera (red/pink) with damn good zoom effects :D
- Baby-G/ODM (Bloc, in pink) watch
- Nice jeans :)
- Accessories eg necklaces, bangles, rings etc.
- SHOES! (Converses, it’s quite cheap as compared to Adidas. Would want some radiis though. D: Hmm I think Cotton On’s too cheap? And common I suppose.)
- Caps?
- Decent clothes.
- New spectacles – black rectangular frames like Onew’s old ones/Andrea/Alissa’s. Dang wanted them for a very long time.
- A bag for school (from Big Bang-endorsed Fila Korea! Expensive though, when inclusive of shipping fees), bag for shopping (from Zinc?)
- A BIGGGGG SHOPPING SPREE!

- SHINee 1st Mini-album
- SHINee 2nd Mini-album: Romeo
- SHINee 1st Album: A.Mi.Go (repackaged)
- SHINee Year of Us poster
- SHINee Romeo poster
- SHINee Lightstick
- CLRDE.n clothes
- SHINee Asmama accessories
- SHINee Nanas’ B set
- Go to Seoul, Daegu and Incheon, South Korea
- 2AM Repackaged mini album and poster
- 2PM Kiss Me mug (green; Junsu!)
- 2PM polaroids (?)
- U-Kiss Only One album and poster (white version)
- Meet U-Kiss when they come to Singapore in June (?)/SHINee the next time they come to Singapore!
- Other SHINee stuff :D
- Banc apparel
- Evisu shirt(s) (they’re really expensive, because Yunho endorses it so it is branded in Korea)
- More official Kpop posters :D
- 140cm big Tromm bear (also expensive! Dang it’s really big and heavy, so the shipping fees’ a real bitch)

You know, if you look at the list of things I’ve gotten, it seems as though I am a much bigger SONE than Shawol. However that is not true. Look at the things I WANT and you know I’m a huge Shawol. :) And if anyone noticed, I’ve struck out the photobooks because I don’t want them anymore. Btw… *gasps* Nooo I am not a HOTTEST even though I have a mini-crush on Junho and a bigger one on Junsu. But yes I do want the things mentioned other than SHINee’s.

And as I’ve mentioned in the post from the start of April, yes I’m still strong on my stand that if I was to go to Korea, everything would be solved. Tsk. I just realised that there is also Forever21 there.
If I ever have a chance to go to Korea, I will:

- Go SPAO and Everysing in Myeon Dong (sp?)
- Go Lotte World for Banc and Colonize etcetcetc.
- Spam loads of kpop albums, goods, posters etc!

Yeah.

What do I want to do for my life?

OMG SUCKS

OMG it’s 1.10 in the morning.
I’m supposed to be asleep, not coming online/emo-ing/not doing homework.
I still have to revise for maths test and read the chinese Readers’ Digest for the test TODAY. LATER ON. OMG.
Shit ttm!!!!

I don’t think I will, or even can sleep tonight. How can I sleep when my mind is filled with voices screaming at me, “YO! TESTS TESTS TESTS TOMORROW! AND EXAMS NEXT WEEK YOU IDIOT! GET UP AND STUDY YOU FREAKKK”
I swear, it’s going crazy in my head right now.

Ewwww I still have geography and science homework to be done. And revision for maths and a whole book of chinese words to read.
Great. Yes, my life is going on so well. FML -_-

AND GUESS WHAT! I’m gonna become a pimpleface soon. ))))): I guess due to lack of nourishment and sleep, plus the warm weather which causes me to sweat a lot in a day, stress and lastly the oil (EWW), my face is clearly not able to take it. Thus the pimples.
Andrea says the pimples on the forehead are generated from stress. Tsk, I don’t believe that I have any stress, if I do I would be scoring distinctions instead of missing them by one/half mark. Aiyoooo do I have any stress?! I use the Internet everyday. I don’t put in much effort in my homework. My grades are taking on a roller coaster ride, sometimes A2 and on bad days, Bs and Cs. How can I have any stress??????

But then yeaaaaah maybe. .______.
BUT I clean my face with those facial cleansers daily TT.TT What can I do to stop the pimples from growing? Have no stress? LOL stupid idea.

Goodbye I have to go rush homework and revision now.
And maybe catch some eye-shut. Tired.

Btw… CAN YOU BELIEVE IT? I actually survived school yesterday (Monday) with 2 hours of sleep. The only lesson I felt sleepy in was in Maths and that was nearing the end of it. Then slept after Maths, before Miss Chua came in for Literature. Seriously, I got a good 5 to 10 minutes of nap and felt so energetic after that. LOLOLOLOLOL Singapore schools should totally let students have intervals between lessons just like they do in Japan. Then we can concentrate better after catching some sleep/talking to friends. Heeheeeee

OKAY BYEEEEE WISH ME LUCK KAY

HOMEWORK

I wish I can be more hardworking
BUT I CAN’T
I think about my results in school and I’d bite my lips and say, “Amanda, study later!” and when I come home I don’t do anything at all except use the computer.
Major sucks la

I wish there’s something for me to be angry about. But there isn’t so I can’t complain about anything. BUT I am angry just that I want to find a valid reason to be angry!!!

2 tests tomorrow, english and science
2 tests on Thursday, geography and chinese
SCIENCE. I don’t understand anything. Geog and chinese I have to chiong really hard and now they’re put together? How do I study them together? It’s either I concentrate on one and fail the other or fail both. FAIL

Don’t even know why I go to school. Yah it’s to study but I don’t anyway! I actually slept in the by far most interesting lesson, Literature today. How anyone can sleep with Miss Chua making constant jokes during the lessons is beyond me but I’m guessing it’s fatigue -_-

I. NEED. MORE. SLEEP
But first I need to complete my homework so bye

Puppy jjong <3

HAPPY 21ST BIRTHDAY TO JONGHYUN :)
I hope that Bling Bling Jjong will continue to shine along with SHINee! ^^
Shan’t elaborate much here, go to my blog for more heehee.
-
I wanted to be a happy person today for Jonghyun.

You know what? School was actually fine today. For once. I was so happy :D
For a start – even though I couldn’t squeeze up the 99 that came at 6.30AM this morning, I managed to reach school on time, if not early!!! :D This was what happened: after missing the bus, I then took 242 and alighted at Binggeng’s stop and crossed the overhead bridge to the opposite bus stop whereby I would take 157. However, just as I was halfway across the bridge, I saw the 157 stopping there! I went, shit shit shit in my mind and started to walk briskly. I looked down at the flight of stairs below me – 15, 30, 45 steps – I couldn’t reach there in time! Luckily, just as I reached the bottom, I suppose the driver noticed that I was in a hurry to rush towards the bus and guessed that I wanted to board it. She actually stopped the bus for me! I was so relieved ^^ Boarded the bus and thanked the bus driver :)

Went to school, drank my Milo as I wanted to have enough energy for PE later on. However, Mr Paul Chandra told Alissa and I that Miss Ling did not come today while at the parade square. Yay! No need to run. Heehee I wasn’t in much mood to run anyway. I officially concluded that I would only run as fast as I can only in a situation that requires me to really run (eg running after a bus). Haha.

Had chinese, then 1 free period (the PE lesson!), then English. English was fun today, we got to mark other groups’ papers. Had fun reading through and correcting them and putting, “So?”/”In terms of?”/”Do not generalise!” etcetcetc. :D

Recess was nothing much. Hmm then Geography, nothing happened either, except that I laughed loads at the things Seng Woon and Miss Lim said. :) Had D&T after that, it was alright. Managed to do my isometric drawing faster than usual, and even started putting together my practical work. It looks better now. Laughed a bit. :D Music was okay, we did a simple worksheet. Listened out for the answers real carefully, so I was able do the questions with ease. For once!!! ^^

School then ended. Went home alone today. Everyone had to go for YOG training so I was left alone. Wanted to go home with someone but decided not to as I knew it would not be worth the wait (my time is precious, don’t waste it!). Was the last to leave the class I think. Switched off the lights and fans and off I went.

Met Chester, Huangui and Tseling at the spiral staircase. I realised that I had to pay $15 for the CO tee? Great, nobody told me. What, I’m not even a junior now? Seriously. If nobody tells me that I have to PAY for something beforehand, then I won’t bring the money, I won’t pay at all. If this is the kind of attitude you want, then go ahead. It’s your fault eventually anyway, not mine, never mine.

Ah yes that spoilt my mood a little. Missed one 99 the moment I reached the bus stop. Didn’t have the energy to run after it anymore. ): Waited for the next bus and during the wait I thought I was going to melt in that weather. Thankfully the bus trip cooled me off quite a bit.

Reached home, ate my lunch and came online. Didn’t even bother to take naps anymore. I’ve been taking naps the past few days. Luckily I did not have any homework and I didn’t had to rush assignments after I woke up :) I’m quite thankful for the naps I’ve been taking actually. I’ve been sleeping around/past 2AM frequently and waking up before 5.45AM. I slept at around 3AM last night? Didn’t really feel tired though. But ohhh I felt the fatigue and the humidity this morning. I was totally drenched in sweat when I woke up. Talk about yucky.

It’s been really hot out here nowadays. Yesterday and today was simply unbearable. I hope that the weather would improve a little tomorrow. Hmm… This week’s been a relaxing week for me. Thankful for it because I have a whole lot of tests lined up next week. Well, actually there’s the english Spelling tomorrow I haven’t studied for but I’d catch up later. Heehee. Oh yeah, there’s Photo-Taking for CCA tomorrow after school as well. Sucks.

Goodnight my darlings. Have a good night rest. Hope Jonghyun enjoyed his 21st birthday well :) I wish that even though we don’t know each other he can still hear my blessings for him. D:

Underneath your sweet voice I could hear the words dripping with venom

Leaving

Have you found out the secret?
My secret?

There used to be a time when our lifes were intertwined. Don’t lie.
I’m sorry for all the things I’ve done. I must have been rude, right? It’s just that I didn’t even notice it. I used to live in my own world, believe me, so I’m not conscious of the fact that the things I say, the things I do, may and are often offending to others. So I didn’t know that I may have offended you.
I’m sorry.

I’m tired of all this. Perhaps I may feel happy with you at times but it’s all temporary. I get sick, tired, upset and angry often around you. I feel that I have a responsibilty as a friend to cheer you up, not piss you off. But it’s so hard when my every action, my every expression could trigger you off. I’m just like you – hot-tempered. I get angry easily too.
Please understand that I am only human.

I don’t expect you to leave me. You are much more appreciated by the world than I am. If someone must leave, it would be me. That would be the right answer. Alright then. The battle is over. I shall leave, and never come back.
Funny how such an impromptu decision can be so determined.

It’s like we didn’t know each other the past year before. We can continue being friends but the feeling is different. We can never be as close as we were again. I won’t blame anyone because I know that it was partially my fault too.
Now that I think of it, we were never close. We were never broken apart. I should not mention this, but – were we even friends?

Goodbye.
-
Gonna watch Jo Kwon and Ga In (Adam Day)’s WGM.
Bye~

Fly high

HAPPY APRIL FOOLS DAY
How I wish today was a joke too :)

So fly high, come to the sky

When I’m gone, it’d be like I never was there at all. The world would never know of my existence. Nobody would acknowledge the fact that I survived – that I was once with them.

I think I’m becoming real rebellious. Suddenly I don’t care about my grades, homework, CCAs… In other words, I fogot about school, I forgot about my main priorities.
I fall asleep in school everyday. I can barely stay awake, even with the help of sweets, much less pay any attention to the lessons I take. I have no idea where we’re on in Geography and Science.
And guess what? I’m practically flunking all my tests.
Never mind. I know that I won’t give up. After working hard for so long…
But still. I don’t have any motivation to do anything to help myself. But I must! This is a race against time. There’s only about 27 days left. If I don’t start trying now…
I haven’t put in effort for so long. I’ve become rusty. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know what hard work is like. What is it like? What’s the definition of ‘diligence’?
This sucks. I don’t know what to do.

I want to work hard. I do.
But I don’t know where to start from. How can person, so lost, start from nowhere? How can a person, on a one-man island, find a way to survive?
It’d be difficult. But along with the souls living within me, I’d do it. It’s not only to do with what I want, it’s a matter of what I must do.

Also… Will be spending lots of cold, hard cash on SHINee fan goods because since there’s no albums in Singapore of theirs for me to buy. I wish someone will sell their previous mini-albums and album. It’s so frustrating!! I see previous albums of SNSD, 2PM, etc, but none of SHINee.
Okay actually I can understand that it’s all sold out when people see them in stores. But still.
NEVER MIND I’D CONCENTRATE ALL MY FAN GOODS AND MY STUDIES.

With every breath I take, every tick of the clock I hear
It feels as if my life, my time is running out
Slipping through my fingers, unstoppable

You cannot feel the pain without being a solid person. But the soul and heart remembers.

I think 2PM not bad heehee. I feel like buying their 2PM Special Edition Polaroids. So cool! And maybe their ‘Kiss me’ mug as well. 8D Oh and U-Kiss’ 1st album. And maybe CNBlue’s… I WANT A LOT OF THINGS D:

Okay anyway so many birthdays are coming up. I started thinking about mine as well. ._.
I shall make a list~ :X I know most of them are not realistic but well whatever.

- Polaroid camera (pink) with Doraemon film
- Camera (red/pink) with damn good zoom effects :D
- Bag I saw from Levi’s/Cubez/Zinc
- Clothes ^^
- SHINee 1st Mini-album
- SHINee 2nd Mini-album: Romeo
- SHINee 1st Album: A.Mi.Go (repackaged)
- SHINee Photobook: Day (with poster)
- SHINee Photobook: Night
- SHINee Lightstick (both versions)
- SHINee fan goods
- CLRDE.n clothes
- SHINee accessories
- SHINee Nanas’ B set
- Mixstyle headphones (pink and black)
- Go to Seoul, South Korea If I go Korea, everything I want would be bought there 8D All those SHINee albums, calendar, photobooks, posters, fan goods, accessories, magazines, SHINee endorsed Ottogi snacks, SHINee endorsed CLRIDE.n clothes, SHINee endorsed Nanas’ B cream, radii shoes, Banc and Colonize stuff… OMG YAY. And it’d be cheaper as well.
But as my mum said, “What about the price of the tickets to Korea?”
Okay good point. ):

I hope everything I want would be struck out though. Then I think I’d really be happy? O_O Heeheeee :D

Can you hear my heart breaking into a thousand pieces? I can’t hear it. But I am able to feel it cracking. The pieces pierce into my skin and they stay there. The pain… It’s driving me insane.

Hello, don’t play with my head. Thanks.

Why did the sky cry along with me?
Perhaps I am really that mighty. As I thought about sad things when walking home today after school, I could feel the raindrops on me. Falling slowly. I looked down and thought, “The sky is crying, and it’s crying for me.”

If you believe
I want an answer. Your answer would mean so much to me. It would change everything – it would change me. I want to be changed. I want to feel like a person with a heart again.
Just tell me. I’d rather you kill all my hopes than leave me hanging there without an answer. I don’t care about the hurt or disappointment. It can make me stronger :) I just want to know.
An answer, please.

Stupid sad life.

OnKey is awesome.
*taken from my blog~ Because I love OnKey too much that I HAVE to repost this. Haha ^^

LOL! And eww.
I’m sorry I’m so lame to post this at 1.42AM. But I can’t help it. As I said, mental breakdown. T^T

LOL @ JOKWON 8D His facial expressions are always so funny. HAHA. Everytime I look at the gif I’d smile to myself. XD
*Both gifs are from super-kpop.

Oh yah I haven’t completed homework yet. Still left with a lot. Dang.
Should I go to sleep? Or should I chiong homework. Ahhh.
Crap post qwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnm (LOL this is what Andrea used to do! Ha ha).
Hmm then I’d spam songs and try to do homework.

WHY IS THE WHOLE WORLD ALWAYS ASLEEP WHEN I NEED HELP?
Yes, sometimes I wonder too.
I think my $35 fly. ‘Cos I didn’t wait for the confirmation mail, and I just sent in the money for the Banc watches. Stupid or?
MY $35! HOW LONG DID THAT TOOK ME TO SAVE? (okay not long but whatever) $35 is little, but it’s still money. It matters a lot to me. I can buy a lot of stuff with $35. Like albums, food, accessories. And THAT watch.
Why didn’t I wait for that fucking confirmation mail?
Wow. As though my life isn’t sucky enough, something crappy has to add itself into it as well. Thanks a lot.
I feel like crying. OMK. This confirms that my life isn’t that worth living after all. And I thought I had hope. HOPE! I must be dreaming.
This realisation, it’s like a slap across the face. I must be living a dream the past dream ever since I saw SHINee last week, right? It’s all an illusion.

But it’s my own money, so nobody can be upset for me except for myself.
But I’m selfish. If I’m hurt, I want the whole world to be hurt with me. When I’m crying, I want the world to be crying along. When I’m angry, I would not want anyone to be happy.
That’s me.
This lesson is too expensive. $35!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
FUCK.

I’m crying in the night. I’m forever wanting to cry at night. I want to cry alone, but sadly, I can never be alone. So when I cry, I have to do it quietly.
Isn’t that so sad? You can’t even cry in peace.
How did SHINee manage to do it? I won’t be able to stand living with someone 24/7. For one thing, we don’t know each other that well so I won’t be able to cry, flare my tempers, or even be really happy around them.
If you put it like this, nobody knows me well. When have you ever seen me flare my temper (if you did, that’s a… Fake (?) one. I believe I have never done it before outside my own private world)? When have you ever seen me cry so badly, and at times for no reason? When have you seen me being really happy?
Sadly, for the last one, I don’t what a ‘happy’ me looks like because… I guess I’ve never been happy.
I flare my tempers alone. I cry alone. I’m happy alone.

Alone.

Can’t stop thinking about it

Hello~
Saw SHINee’s live performances twice in 24 hours. The first time at SGEA 2010 yesterday night and this afternoon’s showcase at IMM :D
Yes, now that one of my dream has came true, I can finally… Whaddya say? Hmm put down this dream? :) Sometimes putting down things doesn’t necessarily mean you’re afraid of the hardships it may bring you; it also means that you are strong enough to put them down.
Yes, putting down this dream that’s too wild for my fantasies. Since I can only see them from a distance, I’d take it and leave with no regrets. And I won’t turn back.

It’s time to concentrate on my studies from tomorrow onwards. I couldn’t concentrate in my studies, in case you haven’t noticed, for the past week because I was really indecisive of going to the showcase. I was afraid that I might lose my faith once and for all if I did not get to see SHINee again.
Maybe, meeting them was really what killed all hope.
It made me realise that no matter how hard I try, it would be impossible for me to be like them – famous, well-liked, talented.
So I better just concentrate on my studies. All other things can wait.

SHINee has brought me happiness, motivation and hope, yet also at the same time, heartache for the past few months which was more than I could say from the other things I had used to love that I derive nothing from, only blindly loving.
SHINee opened my eyes and made me see the world in front of me.
SHINee is the first ever band which made me feel, “WOW. I have to meet them.”

Onew is the first person who made me feel that his face, voice, Onew Sangtae, different personalities and sides that make up him were all extremely beautiful yet sad at the same time. It made me wonder, “How can something so… Beautiful be so sad at the same time?”
Onew is the first person who had succeeded in making me cry with his voice, so touching and sad.
Onew is also the first person who influenced me with his never-ending cute acts aka Onew Sangtae. When I see the things he do e.g. walking into a clothes line once, I would do it unknowingly too and I’m usually not so unobservant. I nearly walked into the string that marked the center of the court during badminton playing during the last PE lesson.

Key is the first guy who made me go, “Oh my gosh, this person is gorgeous.” I looked at his sharp jawline, his flawless skin, and thought, “I failed as a girl.”
Key is the first person who inspired and motivated me so greatly. This motivation… It completely changed my life in one way or another.
Key is my first role-model. I really want to be like him. After reading the interviews he had with certain magazines e.g. Dazed and Confused: February 2010 issue last December, I was really… Bewildered? I thought there would never be a 1991-er who was as mature as he was. His words made me really think about things.

Minho is always the one I think about when I’m trying not to cry. He mentioned that when he was young, he never cried no matter what happened, not even when he was reprimanded or anything. However, he finally cried when he did not get into the soccer team once. I think about him and the things I cry about. It made me stronger and I would be able to stop the tears.
Taemin is the one I think about when I felt depressed, emotional and stressed out. I would think, “Hey, his schedules is way busier than yours. But he always try to go to school still.” Seeing him in his school uniform rehearsing was really a blow to me. It made me think that perhaps my life was better than his. I still had the freedom to go wherever I want to go after school – not rush to Music Bank to rehearse for my next performance like he needs to do.
Jonghyun… I don’t know what I got from him. I don’t understand him that much, but I really love his cute emotions. He is forever doing cute things, like puffing up his cheeks, pouting and all that. It made me think that he had a cute personality. :) He had determination to do things because he saved up his own money to buy instruments for fear of his parents’ disagreement to enter the music industry. He had relied on himself to climb his way up the ladder to where he is now.

I wish I could be like SHINee. Strong, determined, yet silly and cute at the same time.
SHINee hwaiting.
Thank you for all the things you have given me. I’d never get my results (even if they’re not that fabulous) without the motivation I get from you.

They’d never know my wishes and greetings, but I will still be here praying for their health and safety. I’d forever be supporting them. Goodnight, SHINee. Have a good night’s sleep.
Praying for a better tomorrow.